Yesterday, I shared a meditation, Peacemaker, Peacebreaker, with the good folk of Epiphany Episcopal Church, Laurens, SC (posting it here on my blog page), in which, in part, I said:
Jesus, the peacemaker, come to reconcile us to God, in the view of the established authorities, the upholders, the do-gooders of all that is right, is the peacebreaker, disturbing the tranquility of devoted obedience to the accustomed, acceptable status quo…What is your, my accustomed, acceptable status quo…that although good enough is not godly enough that Jesus, the peacebreaker, disturbs in order to make peace between us and God?
Often I will ask a rhetorical question, not meaning to elicit an oral response, but rather to provoke folks’ personal, private reflections. As an inveterate inquirer who loves what I call “the art of the query”, I confess that sometimes my public airing of the question is an end in itself, leading to no personal, private reflection of my own. So, it might have been in this case. Then, early this morning, I had (or, at least, upon awaking, recalled) two dreams:
I, the front seat passenger of a driverless speeding car, smiled and waved at the faint faceless and formless images of people along the way…
I was naked, sitting despondently in a small, darkened room. Another, also naked, stood before an open portal, his face and form backlit, so I did not recognize him. When he waved, beckoning to me, I knew who he was, for his hand was pierced…
What is my accustomed, acceptable status quo that although good enough is not godly enough that Jesus, the peacebreaker, disturbs in order to make peace between me and God?
Outwardly, I lived a great portion of my adult and vocational life at hyper-speed, doing good deeds, the more, the merrier; letting my good deeds “speak” for me. Yet all the while, I was afraid if people really saw me they would reject me. Thus, I refused to be known, to be real. Thus, there was no one, least of all me, at the “wheel”of control of my life. Thus…
Inwardly, in my naked vulnerability, I dwelled in shadowy discontent with my dwarfed personality. Still, I always believed, knew that there was more to life, more to me if I would rise and truly follow the One who calls.
Outwardly and inwardly, I am less like these descriptions, for, with God’s continued grace, I believe myself to be more honest about myself with myself, more true to myself, and more real with others. Thus, I interpret these dreams as commemorative, reminding me of the way things were, the way I was and, thus, clarifying dreams, cautioning me to remember that one of the easiest, readiest things for me to do in life is to repeat my old behavior.
Illustration: speeding car (courtesy of http://www.clker.com/cliparts/m/f/a/X/U/8/car-icon-md.png)