“and…most of the time!” – a personal reflection on human behavior, part 2

For years, I’ve said of myself, approaching self-parody, “I suffer from HMHD, ‘high maintenance, high drama’!” Truth be told, those around me, especially those who are nearest and dearest, oft suffer more than I from the excesses (is there any other mark or measure, quantity or intensity?) of my long-experienced, self-diagnosed condition of needy passion (or is it passionate neediness?). In a word, I know how “to act out” or “to go over the top” with my thoughts and feelings, my wants and needs in unhealthy and unhelpful ways that benefit and bless no one – not others, not myself.

Now, I would guess that most of the people I know would not suspect this about me. For I know, as my grandmother frequently directed, demanded, how “to present well”, how to appear, indeed, to be civil and convivial. Still, this part of me that flies in the face of expressing myself in ways that strengthen and sustain my healthy and helpful relationships with others (and with myself!) exists.

Knowing this, I’ve learned to be alert, particularly when my greatest needs (i.e., acknowledgment and acceptance) are not met, to the powerful passions of hurt and anger, resentment and bitterness and, in that awareness, to contain and control them (most of the time!) so to wait for a reasonable moment (most of the time!) and a responsible means (most of the time!) to express them, so not to harm others and myself (most of the time!).

More to come…

2 thoughts on ““and…most of the time!” – a personal reflection on human behavior, part 2

  1. Paul,

    I had to smile when I read this!! Having been present for a few of your “high drama” moments I’ve often marveled at how you move from anger to asking for forgiveness and then showing love to those you’re in relationship with. I’ve always noted the sincerity with which you apologize for your outbursts, and for me they have lessened over time.

    The problem I have with Donald Trump is that I don’t believe his apologies for his behavior come anywhere close to sincerity. I find that being in relationship with you is honest and mutual. We can be ourselves even at times when our behavior is not as great as we’d like. The beautiful thing about relationships for me is that every day is different and that means news discoveries and behaviors will manifest themselves. But when there is love in the relationship, everything works out well in the end even if bad behavior shows up every now and then! Thank you for part 2!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow! What a wonderful reflection on my reflection! AND I write that not simply or only because I agree with all you write. Ours is quite he mutual loving and forgiving relationship. I treasure it and you.

      I, too, stand with you in regard to Mr. Trump and his outbursts and relational infractions and my sense of his less than sincere apologies.

      As for part 2, there’s a part 3 to come, I think.


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